After Happily Ever After
by Mo9Ja
Summary: Definitely AU; Luke and Lorelai had gotten together before the series' opening. They were married and have two girls together: Elizabeth "Elly" Danes, now 9 years, and Abigail "Abby" Danes, now 7 years. However, just like in the series, it went completely wrong when April suddenly showed up. This story takes place two years after their divorce.
1. Chapter 1: The Craft of Hurting

**A/N: This story just came to me. I was having one of those I'm-all-alone-so-lets-fantasize-instead-of-be-bore d moments, which always just pop up, even if I take a quick trip to the restroom. This one time I thought of a divorced Luke and Lorelai. I know right? Who thinks of such a thing? This proves perfectly well how crazy I am… Anyway, I thought of what would have happened if that same drama when April arrived happened while Luke and Lorelai were married. I'm not writing this part of the story (yet), so basically nothing changed from that storyline, except from Luke and Lorelai's past. Yes, Lorelai still went to Christopher, I'm sorry. I know Lorelai would probably never do such a thing MARRIED, but this is AU and if you can't handle it, then simply don't read it ;).**

**Now I would like to make clear that Christopher is just a small part of this story. This is not about Luke and Lorelai's time when April arrived, it is not about Lorelai cheating and it's not about them getting divorced. This story takes place two years after they had gotten divorced. It basically picks up right before the season final, only with a "slightly" different past. **

**For the Rory fans: I'm sorry, but this story really is all about Luke and Lorelai and Rory is in the background. If you want to read more about Rory, please go find yourself another FanFiction!**

**Enough on the story-spoilers? On to the 'thank you' notes then. **

**Niamh, when thinking of a new, crazy storyline, it's great to have someone you can go to –half excited, half scared– to pitch it. Now, when that someone gets so excited, saying "it's heartbreaking, but beautiful" and "you HAVE to write it, because I have to read it", it makes a new project like this even more enjoyable, exiting and definitely more challenging. As we have found out during our time working together on "Teens on Coffee" (check it out, please!), our ideas and our styles are so freakishly linked, that no idea is too crazy to propose. For my first own story, it's a blast to have someone like you to Beta for me. I trust you with whole my heart. You are the eyes and ears… Errr, you are the heart and brain that secretly hides behind my name. I thank you so.**

**And as you know, the name of the second girl is especially for you. **

**Finally, thank you to my reader(s?). I have joy in writing this, but experience has taught me it's even more joyful when your work is being read and appreciated. Therefore I really appreciate any support and/or critic you can give me, so please leave a review! **

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**Chapter 1: The Craft of Hurting**

"Luke! Can I get a to-go cup of coffee please? Quickly! I'm already late," I yell as I quickly walk up to the counter of Luke's Diner, knowing that Luke will probably be somewhere around, but not seeing him.

Luke peers his head out of the kitchen and sees me hopping impatiently from one leg to the other. "In a minute," he grumbles to me and I sigh as I drop down on the stool at the counter nearest to me, knowing it's lost energy to try and get Luke to hurry. In fact, he would probably be even slower, just to annoy me back.

As I lean my right elbow dramatically on the counter and place my head in my hand, I don't notice the empty chair beside me being occupied.

"Boo!" Elly leans in and says closely to my ear, making me jump from my stool slightly.

I turn around to face her. "Elly!" I say with a laugh, "You scared me."

Elly laughs too and leans in again, but this time to kiss my cheek and I rub her back soothingly in return.

I then realize it's 9:16 A.M. "Hey! Why aren't you in school?" I ask surprised and I share a quick glance towards the familiar kitchen area before refocusing on my daughter.

"Mrs. Kathleen is ill," she says with a dismissive, uninterested shrug of her shoulders that reminds me a great deal of her father.

"Besides," she continues, a smile now playing on her lips, her dark blue eyes sparkling with pleasure, "we have this project where we have to make this little house out of wood," and she waves towards a table in the far back of the diner, that is loaded with the beginning of a miniature wooden house, little wooden sticks, glue, a small and a bigger hammer and some nails.

"No wonder I didn't see you when I came in. You were hidden behind a forest!" I tease as I adjust her uncontrollable dark, long curls with my bare hand, that always seem more uncontrollable when she comes from her dad than when I put my hands on them.

Elly ducks her head and pushes my hand away dismissively. "Dad's been helping me build it. Doesn't it already looks perfect?!" she asks me excitingly, ignoring my teasing easily.

"Very pretty," I nod, trying to be just as enthusiastic as Elly, but reaching nowhere near her energy level. I try to blame my little enthusiasm on the lack of coffee in my system, but deep down I know that I don't agree with Luke doing the project _for_ her. The miniature house looks way too good to have been made by a nine year old. I want my kids to work for their own achievements, just like Rory has always done, but it's obvious that Luke likes spending time with his kid on a project such as this. I can already sense a fight coming.

"Mommy?" Elly asks doubtfully.

"Yes, hon?" I say, my eyebrows raised.

"Can I stay with Daddy tonight, so we can finish this?" she asks while pointing to the project on the diner table.

_Such a Daddy's girl_, I think sadly with a roll of my eyes. Elly basically is Luke in girl-form, not only in her interests and partly her behavior; she also has her father's dark blue eyes, his long straight nose and the small, but long form of his face making sharp edges of her cheekbones. The only thing you recognize her by as 'mine', is her hair. Luckily, she inherited my thick dark curls. Unfortunately, Luke doesn't know how to control that mass of hair and Elly surely doesn't care.

Abby looks more like me, well, she's a combination of her parents, but at least there's no doubt she's also mine. She has Luke's dark blue eyes, but her face is a bit rounder and she obviously has my nose, which I like to refer to as 'Irish'. Not that I am anywhere from Irish descent, at least, I don't think so, but that's just the best way to describe it. Abby also has my dark curls, which makes Elly and Abby look very much alike. Abby is also a lot more free-spirited like I am than Elly is.

There was a time, about two and a half years ago, when Abby was almost five and Elly was seven that Luke and I talked about having another child. I told him he had his mini-me, now I wanted mine. Luke agreed; he wanted a boy. Little did we know our wish would come true sooner and older than we expected, definitely not a mini-me and nowhere near a boy. April had suddenly shown up, causing Luke to completely shut down towards me and my wish of having a fourth kid dying together with our, before, perfect marriage. Don't get me wrong; I don't blame April. I blame Luke, Anna a bit, but mostly myself. Every single day I kick my own shins for that day, that one day where I just had to go to Christopher for support. Why hadn't I just gone to Rory?

No point in questioning this. Again.

"Sure," I tell Elly with a smile.

Elly's face perks up at that. "Thanks, Mommy!" she squeals and runs back to the table, picking up a new wooden stick and inspecting it thoroughly.

At that moment Luke decides to leave his sacred space. He hands a plate filled with freshly baked omelets to the table on the right of the counter and I feel my mouth fill with saliva at the delicious sight. Luke then walks back behind his counter and pours –hopefully– _my_ coffee in a to-go cup. Surely, shortly after that, he walks in my direction, holding my favorite breakfast-, lunch-, dinner- and snack-drink in the world.

"There you go. All set," he says as he puts the cup down on the counter in front of me. I place both my hands around the cup, an old reflex earned from a decades-old coffee addiction, gaining a loud sigh from Luke combined with a shake of his head, but I notice the smile playing on his face as his drowning dark blue eyes bore into mine and I know that he's having a good morning.

"Thank you," I say sweetly, batting my eyelashes at him. I'm playing with fire here. Ever since the divorce, all my flirting was being dismissed; I could just see his face expression change and he would usually turn away from me. Sometimes, however, when he was in a good mood, like this one, I could get some flirting into our conversation, without him getting mad, but it isn't enough. It's not the same as it used to be.

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a terrible flirt. What can I say? I _love_ to flirt, especially to get exactly what I want and especially with Luke. But that has all changed and it's my own damn fault.

_Don't think about that! Just don't._

I often have to tell myself not to think about how much I screwed up. I know it's been almost two years, but it's still too painful knowing that what I've lost is standing right before me, still as handsome and manly as ever.

"So she told you about her school project?" the man in question interrupts my thoughts, nodding his head towards Elly who was focused on gluing two wooden sticks together, her tongue hanging slightly out of her mouth.

I can't help but smirk at the sight of that. I look back at Luke with a smile, "yeah, she did."

"Is it okay if she stays an extra day with me?" he asks me doubtfully. We didn't have one of those awful fight divorces. We decided to keep it civil, for the girls and we easily agreed on shared custody. I say 'easily', but it was one of the most painful things I ever had to do.

"Yeah, sure. She already asked me," I say, still with a smile and I can't help myself but place my hand on top of his arm as if it's a reflex like grabbing my coffee mug.

That gesture went too far and Luke quickly pulls his arm from under my hand. "Thanks," he grumbles. I squeeze my mouth together tightly in just a split second as if I need that one second to swallow my pain away. I then smile at him and place my hand back around my mug.

Like I don't even realize anything out of the ordinary had just happened, I continue to talk about the one thing we still have in common: our daughters. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" I ask.

Luke looks up in surprise and follows my gaze towards Elly. "What do you mean?" he asks confused.

"For one, the nails and the hammer," I say a bit annoyed. Who lets a nine-year-old play with nails? She could hurt herself badly.

I can see at the look in his eyes that Luke picked up on the change in my tone, but he keeps his own tone rather neutral, "she's fine, Lorelai. Those things are harmless and I'm keeping an eye on her."

I don't really believe him, thinking back to a few minutes ago when he was in the kitchen _not_ supervising our daughter who was playing construction worker in the other room. "Okay," I say anyhow, though clearly unconvincingly. "What about you doing the project for her?" I ask.

This is Luke's time to get annoyed at me and surely his voice rises, "What are you talking about? Look at her! _She_ is doing it. Not I."

I again look at the table where my daughter is still working, not noticing the fight that's starting to swell between her parents. I then look down from Elly's face to the project. "She did not make that, Luke," I accuse him.

"Yes, she did," Luke shoots back at me, now angrily, "I showed her how to do it and she's a good student."

"Okay, okay," I say, holding my hands up in surrender, but it's clear to both of us that I still don't believe him.

"Is it so hard for you to understand that maybe she's good at making things? At fixing things? That _maybe_ she got that gene from _me_?" He is angry. Oh, he's angry. Anytime he brings the –she's my kid too, Lorelai– argument, I know that he's on fire. Like I don't know that she's his.

I am really not in the mood for a fight like this, definitely not in a packed diner and _definitely_ not in front of Elly. It makes me angry that he's continuing this useless argument in front of her and I hiss at him, "and what a wonderful quality that is for a _girl_," putting emphasize on the word 'girl'.

Uh oh. I brought the –you always wanted a boy– argument up. I know it's stupid. I know he loves Elly and Abby more than anything in the world, but it outrages me when he is being like this and this argument is just so easy. I feel sick, sick of myself and sick of this fight.

Such a contradiction I'm giving you here. First I basically tell you I still love him and then I fight with him for no good reason, but you know what they say; _love and hate are often in one combined_. Right?

"At least she'll be able to take care of herself," Luke shoots back, his voice starting to get above a whisper.

I know, okay? I have a crazy mind, but this I actually find funny and I see my way of making this argument a lot less… argument-y.

"See, this is where I'm smart," I say with a wicked smile, my voice back to normal, "I just find myself a man to do all my dirty work for me."

I see Luke's face changing just the tiniest bit: from very angry to a little less very angry, but still a lot angry. He and I both know I'm talking about him and 'dirty work' _might_ have been slightly directed on how that pretty little girl in the crafts corner was created. Luke shakes his head as if he simply doesn't know what to do with me.

"Besides," I continue in the same teasing tone, loving the teeny-tiny change my teasing has on him, "I just love bossing the man around. Makes me feel powerful!" My fist shoots in the air in a triumphant manner and I grin mischievously at him.

Luke stops wiping the counter and throws his towel angrily on the counter. "You lost the right to boss me around two years ago," Luke says with clenched teeth, as he pushes my to-go cup closer to me, indicating that I should leave now. Luke quickly walks towards the table where Elly is working, sits down next to her and finds himself very interested in her work.

I stare at my ex, openmouthed from the surprise of this unnecessary reminder that he is indeed my ex. Feeling the poison of his words penetrate my body and flowing through my bloodstream, I stand up and quickly leave the diner, not even remembering to give Elly a goodbye kiss. I can feel Luke's eyes on my back as I exit and for the first time in my life I leave an untouched, perfectly-good cup of the most delicious liquid on earth sad and alone on the counter, ready to become garbage; a good comparison to the way I'm feeling right now.


	2. Chapter 2: Time to Move On

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews, your follows and your favorites. Please review this chapter also. And thanks again Niamh for your wonderful beta-capabilities, even during your holiday. **

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Chapter 2: Time to Move On

"I don't wanna sleep, Mommy," Abby whines as I kiss her cheek. I just tucked her in.

"It's already very late, Hon. You have school tomorrow," I tell her as I get up from the small bed.

"I'm not tiwred," she continues in an annoying tone as she grabs my hand to stop me from walking towards the door. I turn around and face her. She sees that I'm not to play with today and she drops her head back in her pillow.

"One story?" she tries again.

"No, Abigail. You had your story, now it's sleepy-time." My use of her full name tells her I'm being serious.

I put the now loose quilt closely around her upper body again and bend down to kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams, little one," I say sweetly.

"Night, Mommy," she answers me as I turn off the light in her room and close the door.

I walk down the stairs and enter the vacant living room. I grab the bowl of popcorn that's waiting for me on the little table by the TV and drop down in the comfortable cushions of the couch with a content sigh.

I then look around me and see the familiar surroundings of my home. Normally, I would be putting Elly to bed right now, but she's at Luke's, working on her school project. It's so silent. Not that it's any different than normal; with the girls sleeping, it's just me, alone in this big house. I often like to do some paperwork for the Inn, so I don't have to do it during the day, but not today. I simply don't feel like it. I want to have a free night and I know I can't focus anyhow.

_You lost the right to boss me around two years ago_. That one sentence keeps running through my mind. The silence and loneliness causes my mind to say it more often and faster, in Luke's voice even, mocking me, hurting me...

I often wonder if Luke feels the same way. As far as I know he's not dating anyone. He hasn't dated anyone since Rachel came back about a year ago, but that only lasted two months and she was off again. He must feel lonely, just like me. Luke is always more strict than I am when it comes to bedtimes, so I'm pretty sure Elly's in bed. I wonder what Luke is doing right now.

I pull my legs under me as I make myself comfortable on the couch. I take the remote from the arm of the sofa and zap through the different stations. There doesn't seem to be anything on. After a while I come by a baseball game and I stop. The Red Sox are playing. I certainly know what Luke's doing now.

I lean back, with my back against the cushions as I watch the game I'm sure I would be watching if we were still together, in this home; the home we had shared together for almost eight years. I think back of all those times that Luke just _had_ to see the Red Sox. Sometimes he hurried home, sometimes he hurried through dinner and sometimes he let me put the girls to bed so he wouldn't miss a second of his favorite team. I often joined him, right here, on this couch, as I tried to pry his attention away from the screen. Sometimes I poked him with my feet, sometimes I crawled against him and started kissing along his scruffy cheek, but usually I would just watch with him and mock mercilessly. I would comment on both the players and the supporters, their outfits, their crazy behavior and simply their faces, as Luke tried to keep focused and pretend he didn't hear one bit of what I was saying. Though, I often caught him smiling, or he would look at me in horror when I commented what a nice ass one of the players had in those shorty shorts, but I knew he enjoyed that just as much as I did. I want that again.

I know you might think it sounds boring: just sitting at home, watching TV… What an _exciting_ life you had. That's what you're thinking, right? It may be boring, but it was those small, shared moments that made me happy. I took them for granted, those moments, and now I would do _anything_ to get that 'boring' life back, _anything._

_You lost the right to boss me around two years ago. _I know, okay! Please, don't remind me.

The phone rings and I jump up eagerly at the nice distraction from my own thoughts. In my eagerness I slap against my phone and it falls to the carpet. As I try to grab it, I fall to the ground between the couch and the table. Finally, I place my hands around the buzzing electronica and press the 'answer call' button, without checking caller-ID.

"Hello?" I say laughingly as I crawl up from the floor and drop back on the couch.

"What's so funny?" the voice on the other end of the phone asks.

"Rory!" I say happily, "Nothing, I just dropped to the floor in my eagerness to answer your call."

"I see," Rory says, "There I thought you were having a party without me."

"Oh, I am," I say in my best teenager's voice, that makes my own voice go really high, "I was very reluctant to go at first, but if I didn't, my daddy wouldn't let my baby-sis go, so I went, drank, drank, and drank some more, did my bit of dancing on top of the table, hit my head and ended up puking in front of a really cute guy that just tried to kiss me."

Rory laughs out loud, "Any chance the guy was named 'Heath'?"

"YES!" I squeal, "At least, I think it was. Alcohol, you know…"

"I hate to break the bad news to you, Mom, but Heath Ledger is dead," Rory says in all seriousness.

"That _is_ bad news," I pout.

"How's the campaign?" I ask after our regular banter about nothing is over.

"Oh, it's going well. Still the same," Rory answers dismissively. "I think I'm moving forward with Tom, though," she says awkwardly.

"That's great!" I say, slightly jealous of my daughters almost consisting love life. At least she's closer to love than I am.

There is a short silence on both ends.

"So, how are you?" Rory wants to know.

"Oh, you know. I'm fine," I say unconvincingly.

"What's wrong?" Rory asks immediately.

"Nothing!" I say, though I know she doesn't believe me, "I told you I'm fine."

"Mom!" Rory says urgently, "I don't have much time, so please tell me quickly."

I sigh, "It's nothing. Just some self-pity."

"Why?"

"I'm lonely," I throw out, my free hand in the air; a motion Rory can't even see.

"Go to Sookie, or something," Rory suggests.

"Nah, she has Jackson and the kids. She's not looking to have me over every time I feel alone."

"Mom…" Rory starts, but I cut her off.

"I have my TV. I'll be fine."

"Alright," Rory says doubtfully. "Sorry, Mom, I really gotta go."

"Yeah, sure. Go, go!" I say, trying to sound cheerful.

"Give my sisters a kiss from me."

"I will. Bye, sweets," I say, in a way to end the conversation.

"Love you, Mom."

"You too," I smile.

I throw my cellphone back on the table and stand up to make some coffee. As I walk back, a big hot coffee mug in hand, I hear the doorbell. My first thought is that Luke heard my silent prayer for company, but I know those kinda thoughts are just hopes. I usually forbid myself to think about Luke like that, but I can't stop them all from creeping inside.

I quickly place my mug on the table and walk over to the door.

"Hiya!" Sookie says excitedly, holding a casserole out for me.

"Who died?" I ask in fake shock.

"What?" Sookie asks confused, "Did someone die?" She sounds scared now.

I laugh and point with one hand to the casserole I'm holding with the other. "No, Hon. It's the casserole. It's from a TV show, never mind."

Sookie nods and enters my home. "You're watching baseball?" she asks surpised as she drops down on the couch and takes a big hand of my half-empty popcorn bowl.

"Uh, yeah," I say with a blush.

Sookie studies the screen carefully and as I sit down next to her, I see a sense of understanding covering her face. "The Red Sox," she mumbles and she looks at me sadly.

"So, what brings this wonderful surprise?" I want to know.

"Nothing," Sookie answers too quickly. "I just wanted to visit my best friend. I'm allowed, aren't I?"

I ignore Sookie's question and study her carefully. "Rory sent you." It's not a question, I just know.

"Yeah," Sookie confirms, "She called and said you were feeling lonely. Why are you lonely, Honey?"

I shrug my shoulders. "No more than usual," I say dismissively. Oh, Rory is going to hear about this!

,

"Then what's wrong?" Sookie keeps pushing.

"Nothing's wrong, okay! I'm fine," I'm starting to get a bit aggrivated now. Surely, I like the company, but I rather go back to my silent space than this continued nagging.

"Babette told me you and Luke had some kind of argument and that you walked out of the diner with a pained face," Sookie says and I sigh. "She said you _left_ your _coffee_ behind," she continues in a whisper now, as if I had done something terrible.

I look down at my own hands, but don't say anything.

"What happened," Sookie wants to know.

"It was…" I start to say.

"Don't say it was nothing!" Sookie quickly cuts me off, knowing me all too well.

_You lost the right to boss me around two years ago. _Oh, how I wish my mind had an off-button…

I sigh again. "I was just… teasing him. You know me," I try to say as a joke, but Sookie isn't fooled and looks sternly at me. I take a deep breath, "he simply reminded me that we weren't together anymore, totally unnecessarily. I- I can't help it. It hurts."

"Oh, Hon," Sookie says as she wraps her arms around me.

I burry my face in her shoulder and let my tears flow freely. "It hurts so much," I whisper, my voice muffled by her sweater that I don't think she hears me.

Sookie rocks me and makes shushing sounds as if I'm a child. I break away from her. "I hate crying," I say with a slight laugh, "especially over this. It's been two years and it was my own fault. You'd think I moved on by now."

"Well, you really loved Luke," Sookie says as though that makes it okay to still cry about it.

"Love," I correct her and she gives me a sad smile.

"I know what you need!" Sookie says suddenly excited.

"What's that?" I ask, half scared.

"A date, of course! I ran into Max the other day. Max Medina, you know… Rory's old Chilton teacher," Sookie explains.

"I remember," I say, scared at the thought of starting to date again. After I screwed up with Luke by going to Christopher, I wanted to believe I hadn't given up on my marriage for nothing. So, after the quick divorce, I jumped into dating Christopher. We lasted about four months, but he was moving way too fast; he wanted to get married and have another baby, _'cause the first one turned out so well_, while I had just gotten divorced and of course, I remembered Luke and me trying for another child right before all hell broke loose.

I haven't dated anyone since Christopher. I focused completely on my youngest two and I enjoyed it, but I never felt complete again.

"I came across him in the grocery store the other day," Sookie continues to explain, "I recognized him, because of his gorgeous hair. You don't quickly forget that hair! He still looks just as good as he did five years ago. And guess what?"

"What?" I ask, not really wanting to know.

"He really liked you!" Sookie continues enthusiastically. I give her fake smile, as to indicate I'm very interested. "He's single and I got you his number," she finishes proudly.

"What?!" I ask horrified as I look at the card she was holding, "You set me up?"

"Nah," Sookie says, "I just got his number. All you have to do is call him."

"Thanks," I say as I place the card on the table, but I don't mean it one bit.

"So? Are you gonna call him?" Sookie can't stick to the couch. She's literally jumping up and down from excitement.

"I don't know," I say truthfully.

"Why?" Sookie asks indignantly.

"Well… He's Rory's old teacher. It would probably be too weird for her," I am proud of myself at how quickly I came up with that pretext.

Sookie has a triumphant smile on her face, "Ha! I just asked Rory. She thinks it's a wonderful idea."

Shit. What now?

"Oh, eh- Great!" I say unconvincingly, but Sookie doesn't notice.

"You're gonna call him then?"

"Yeah, probably," I say.

Sookie jumps up with enthusiasm, making a "woo!" sound and walks back behind the couch. "I gotta go now," she says as she walks to the hallway. "Let me know how it goes!" she calls and then I hear the front door closing.

"Bye," I call, but I doubt if she even heard me.

I let out an exhausted sigh and look at the screen. The Red Sox lost, but there is no one around to cheer Luke up anymore. And if there is, it certainly isn't me. Not anymore. And I had such a good way of cheering him up. Not that my cheering up was so different from celebrating with him. I laugh shortly at that thought.

God, I miss sex.

I pick up the remote and turn off the TV as I sip from my coffee. I look around the once again vacant room and feel the silence penetrating my ears. Some people like silence, _need_ silence, but not me. I hate it. I like noise and talking and music, but lately, when I'm alone, my own home feels the same way my parents' home used to feel: silent and cold.

As I put my coffee down, I see the card with Max' number. At some point, I _have_ to give up on Luke. Apparently, Rory and Sookie think that time has arrived.

I pick up the card and my phone and dial his number before I change my mind.

"Max Medina," I hear after one ring.

I keep my mouth shut. I want to say something, but it's like something is forcibly stopping me.

"Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello?!"

I clear my throat. "Hey Max, It's Lorelai. Eh- Lorelai Gilmore… Remember me?"


	3. Chapter 3: Back on the Dating Game

**A/N: Sorry it took a while longer this time. I was a bit stuck. I have this idea in my head you will read in Chapter 4 and I just needed ****_something_**** for this chapter. This is how it turned out. Hope you like it.**

**Thanks again for all the reviews and thank you, my fabulous Beta. **

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Chapter 3: Back on the Dating Game

"This was fun. Again," Max tells me after our conversation has dropped dead. In just a matter of a few seconds we go from standing comfortably on the porch steps of my house, chatting, to standing _uncomfortably_ at that same place, as if we both don't know what to do. Or maybe we do know what to do, but we're just nervous. I'm nervous. That's a fact. I can't remember a time that I, Lorelai Gilmore, was nervous at a date. But now; oh, I'm nervous. I'm nervous, alright.

It's been our third date so far. We've really hit it off. Max is handsome, funny, smart, good with words and he seems to understand my humor, which is always hard to find –for me. Max seems to have it all, seems to _be_ all, yet; I'm doubtful.

This moment –the moment he walked me up to my door after a nice dinner and a movie, ready to say goodbye after yet another successful date– is the movie-definition of 'time to kiss goodnight', but I'm nervous.

We haven't kissed yet. Three dates and we haven't kissed yet. I can still remember the Lorelai that liked kissing guys after a good first date; the Lorelai that liked to drive guys crazy by giving them a kiss similar to the one Michael Vartan gave Drew Barrymore in 'Never been kissed' and then leaving them standing there dumbfounded, wanting more; the Lorelai that liked to play with her 'prey' a little before she gave them what all those guys _really_ wanted.

That Lorelai is gone. She disappeared during her long-lasting relationship with Luke. I didn't need that Lorelai anymore; I had found my man. The Lorelai that's left now gets nervous when a strange man comes close, too close.

I tell myself to be a big girl. After all, it's just a kiss. I've been kissed before –too often to count. I have been told I'm a good kisser. So, just do it.

I refocus my eyes on Max' dark brown ones. I'm not used to brown. They are so dark, like they're unreadable. With Luke's blue eyes I always had the idea I could look right into his soul, but now all I see is darkness. I shake it off.

"Lorelai?" I hear from a distant. "Lorelai?" he repeats, louder and more urgently now.

"What?" I ask, smiling up at him.

"You had fun, right?" he asks me and I detect a hint of doubt in his voice.

I want to take that doubt away as fast as I can. Yes, I had fun.

I keep my mouth shut. Instead I nod slightly and swallow, but I make sure I keep the sweet smile on my face that I never had to fake with Luke. I place my right hand softly on his cheek and I feel his soft skin. There's no stubble, which feels foreign to me. I place my other hand behind his head, in his thick, soft hair and pull him towards me effortlessly. I place my lips on his and he kisses me back immediately.

I haven't kissed anyone else since Luke.

Well, technically that's not true; there was still Christopher, but I'd like to forget about that. Yes, we dated for "three months, two weeks, five days and seven hours" as Christopher pointed out when I broke up with him, but it was nothing compared to what I had with Luke and it's nothing compared to what I'm looking for.

I'm not proud of it, but after I had gone to Christopher on that day, _the worst day_ –as Oskar Schell would say– I told myself I hadn't wasted my marriage for nothing, that there was actually something between Chris and me, so I tried. I tried to be with him, during the divorce and after, but only for three months, two weeks, five days and seven hours. That's when I had given up. That's when I realized there was nothing between Christopher and me, at least, not anymore. Not since Luke. Maybe before Luke, but not anymore. And that's the guy I had given up my marriage for. I've hated myself since then; for hurting Luke, for hurting myself and mostly, for hurting our innocent kids. I still hate myself, but I've learnt to live with that.

I still feel Max lips pressing urgently against mine. It feels so differently from what I'm used to. Luke's lips were firm, but his kiss was always soft, sensual, passionate. Even if it was just a peck, I could feel it all the way to the tip of my toes, from the first time he kissed me, to the last. And this, Max; I don't feel it anywhere. As he urges me to open my mouth with his tongue and, after I give him access, dances his tongue around mine, I know he's an excellent kisser, but it doesn't give me any tingly feelings anywhere.

I pull away from him and he opens his eyes. I smile at him, give him another peck on his lips and take out my keys to open the door to my house. As I open it, I step inside and turn around. I place myself against the doorpost, holding the open door closely against my back: no invitation in question. As I look at Max, I see a flash of disappointment in his face and I know he had the "third date is sex"-rule in his head, but it's not happening. Not today. And he knows that.

At our first date I told him I have been divorced for two years, but I hadn't dated anyone yet. He would be the first. That was only half a lie. Yes, I dated Chris after Luke, but I already dated him before, so Max was the only _new_ guy I dated. I just left out the word 'new', that's all.

"Thank you for the wonderful evening," I say politely, still with that fake smug smile on my face.

"You're welcome," he replies, just as kindly, "Good night, Lorelai."

"Good night, Max." I give him one last bashful smile and then I close the door and Max walks back towards his car.

I lean against the closed door with a sigh, repeating the entire date in my mind. As I think back of the kiss, I slide to the floor, my back still against the door, and I bury my face in my hands as the tears start to run freely. Three dates and one kiss was the first step from me towards moving on, a big step towards trying to get over Luke, my _ex_-husband. Emphasis on 'ex'.


	4. Chapter 4: Almost is Not Enough

**A/N: Here's the next, a bit longer, chapter of 'After Happily Ever After'. I hope you guys enjoy it. Don't hate me and definitely don't hate Elly! Sorry it's taking longer for me to upload. I had been toying with this idea for quite a while, but it turned out harder than I expected. That being said; I also started college again this year and so I'll have less time to write (AAWH). I'm Dutch and I'm studying English Language and Culture (aka. BRITISH). I'll try to keep writing American, but school wants me to stop doing that, so if it becomes more British, don't blame me and just go with it, okay? **

**Also; I know that Luke seems a bit out of character near the end of this chapter. I just always think Luke is different when he's alone with Lorelai and well, it has been two years, so just go with tha flow! **

**Niamh, thank you so much for taking some time out of your busy busy schedule to beta for me. Means a lot! **

**Please leave a review and follow/favorite if you want. It's so great to know your work is being appreciated. **

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Chapter 4: Almost is Not Enough

Michel had a free day today; there was no replacement for him and it was a busy day at the inn. So busy I didn't even have time to pick up my girls from school, even though it was my day to pick them up. I called Luke to ask him if it was okay for him to pick them up, keep them at the diner, feed them and for me to get them somewhere around eight. Of course that was okay. It's Luke. He would do anything for those two girls.

However, it's 7:16 P.M now and I'm at home, lying stretched out on the couch. After I grabbed a quick bite at the inn, I decided to stick to my agreement of 8:00 P.M. and give Luke a little more time with the girls. So I'm just watching some good old television.

Lying here, I feel my tiredness take over more than I have allowed it to all day. Slowly I can feel my eyes closing. I keep telling myself to stay awake, but it's like my eyes have a mind of their own and they are easily winning the battle against my brain.

I barely slept last night. I kept pondering over that kiss: the kiss I shared with Max last night. Even though it was a good kiss, I wasn't sure if I enjoyed it. My mind kept making an ever-growing Pro-Con list on Luke versus Max, and not surprisingly; Luke won. I wondered and I'm still wondering if I should end it with Max _now_, or see where it leads.

However hard I tried; I couldn't turn my thoughts off and enter the very welcome land of unconsciousness. I stayed awake all night. I had given up on my attempts around 4:30 A.M. and drank all the coffee in the house.

So, no; it's not strange that I'm tired.

The irony of it all is: that while I tried so hard to enter the land of hopes and dreams last night and failed, I now try to fight it off, but can't seem to be able to do that either.

The land of hopes and dreams... All _my_ hopes and dreams come together in one man: handsome, kind, strong, caring, funny without trying to be funny, manly and so much more.

The last thing I remember before drifting off is Luke's friendly face smiling at me -a picture my mind has mastered to create ever so detailed due to years and years of studying said face- and I can't help but smile back.

The next thing I know is the feeling of a hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me, and a familiar voice calling me back to the land of the living.

I moan a little and carefully open my eyes, not allowing the light in all at once. As I stare into the same smiling face I had on my mind while falling asleep, I again smile back.

"Hey," Luke says softly. He's squatted down in front of the couch and he brushes a stray lock of hair from my face. I can't help but get a small tingly feeling in my stomach by the small gesture.

"Hey," I whisper back in a hoarse voice with a sheepish smile still on my face.

I notice that the TV is off. He must have turned it off.

I then come completely back to my senses and I immediately sit straight.

"Oh no, the girls! What time is it? I was supposed to pick up the girls!" I say a bit hysterical.

Luke fills up the vacant space my head just left by sitting down next to me. "It's okay," he says with a shrug and I can see that he means it, "I had nothing else planned."

I nod, but I repeat my question, "What time is it?"

Luke looks on his watch. "It's nine ten," he says.

I look around me, but I see nothing different than when I went to sleep, apart from Luke, who's now sitting next to me. "Where are the girls?" I ask confused.

"It was getting late and they were tired, so I just put them to bed," Luke points upstairs, "We waited until 8:45 before I decided to bring them over myself. Abby had already fallen asleep. I could have put them to bed in my house, but it's your turn today, so I figured you'd appreciate them sleeping here. Frankly, I don't even think Abbs noticed the transfer," Luke smirks and I picture him remembering the little girl he carried out of his house, into his car, out of his car again and upstairs to her bedroom. "I told them to keep quiet, to let you sleep and that I would tuck them in today," he continues, "I had to promise Elly you would go up for a goodnight kiss though."

I give him an encouraging smile. "Thank you," I say in awe and I brush my hand over his arm in a thankful motion. He doesn't seem to mind. He just smiles back at me.

"I hope it's okay; me walking in here like this? Elly told me to just walk in, like everyone does, like I _used_ to do, so I did," Luke continues nervously, his eyes on me.

I take a quick glance at his hands as he plays with his fingers before I look back into his dark-blue questioning eyes. "That Elizabeth Danes," I say with a mock stern voice, "Oh, she's gonna hear from me tomorrow!"

Luke looks at me in shock. "No, don't…" he starts saying, but I cut him off.

"Luke, I was joking," I say with a chuckle as I place my hand reassuringly on his thigh, leaning in a bit. "Really, thank you," I continue genuinely grateful.

Luke just nods and we're both silent for a while. I then fall back into the cushions, my head falling backwards, and I cover my face with my hands. I can feel Luke's eyes on me.

"Oh, I _cannot_ believe I fell asleep!" I grumble, my voice muffled by the palms of my own two hands, "They're gonna think I forgot them!"

"No, they don't think that," Luke says soothingly as he takes my wrists into his hands and pulls my hands from my face. I lift my head and face him again. "They know you love them more than anything."

I nod, "I hope so."

"So, how did you end up on your couch? I thought you had to work," Luke asks quickly, afraid I might get angry at his question or that I would think he was judging me, or something.

"I did," I answer him calmly, "but then, miracle of miracles, I was done around seven. I thought I'd stick to the time we agreed, 'cause you guys could still be eating. You always eat late, with the diner and everything." I shrug my shoulders.

Luke nods. "Yeah, I do."

"Anyway, I went home, watched some TV and obviously fell asleep," I finish my story.

"I can see that," Luke says, a smile tugging into face. He then looks at me more thoroughly. He even angles his head a bit to examine me even closer."

"Am I in a 'Law and Order' episode, or something? I feel like I'm being interrogated here," I say with a nervous laugh.

Luke chuckles. "Sorry," he says and he looks down at his own hands before looking into my eyes again. "You just look really tired, that's all."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "That's all? _That's all?!_" I say in a mock hurt voice, my volume rising, "Next you're gonna tell me I'm not pretty anymore!"

Luke just rolls his eyes and smiles at me, before he shakes his head. "You are still as beautiful as ever," he tells me.

The smile disappears from my face as a shocked impression takes its place. I did not expect a compliment like that from Luke anytime soon, or ever, really. But, he said it, loud and clear. I did not imagine it. I swallow away the lump that has formed in my throat. "Thank you," I whisper as I look down from embarrassment and awe. I can feel myself blushing.

Luke looks away uneasily. He's also red and he doesn't look at me. For a moment I think he accidentally let it slip. Maybe he told himself he couldn't allow thoughts like that about me, like I don't allow those thoughts about him, but like I said: sometimes they enter the mind anyway and Luke accidentally said it aloud.

I quickly shake that off. If he still feels that way about me, he can have me and he knows that. At least, I think he knows that.

Luke clears his throat and pretends he never said anything out of the ordinary as he looks at me again. "Have you been having any trouble sleeping?" he asks, genuinely concerned.

I shake my head. "It was just last night. It was nothing. One of those nights, y'know?"

"Yeah, sure," he says unconvincingly.

He leans closer to me and starts talking softer, as if otherwise people can hear us, while there's no one around. "You know, you can talk to me about it, if you want. I'm still your friend. You can tell me what's bothering you," he says with a shrug as if it's no big deal.

I smile at him, thankful for those words. I can't really explain to you how much they mean to me, but I'll try. You see; the worst thing about this divorce is that I thought I didn't only lose my husband, but also my best friend. Now, we may never be _best_ friends again, but I will wholeheartedly take Luke as 'just my _good_ friend'. After all, he's the only one that knows me through and through.

However, I don't think I can tell my _friend_ Luke the real reason I had been awake all night. I can't tell him about Max.

"There's nothing to tell, but thank you."

"Lorelai…" Luke continues with a sigh, "Please just tell me. I still care. I wanna help."

I take a deep breath and let it out loudly. Sure, I can lie to him; make something up about genuine concern about the inn or the girls or Rory, but I won't. A lie is what started our entire separation and I am not going to continue down that road. And frankly, a lie is a lousy basis for a friendship.

"It's just…" I start, deciding to tell the truth, "I- eh. I started dating again."

I wait patiently for a reaction from him and as I watch him closely I think I see a glimpse of hurt covering his features, but it disappears just as quickly as it came.

Luke swallows and says slowly, "O-kay," waiting for me to continue.

"Well- it's been a while, you know? I mean, since I had to start from the complete beginning again," I say quickly, so he can't bring Christopher up.

"Sure," he says. Of course he understands. It's the same for him.

"I just… I don't really know how it goes anymore, if the rules are changed," I continue.

"First dates are the worst," he says knowingly. I smile at him, remembering how he told me on our first date that he hates first dates; absolutely not a good topic for a first date, I can tell you, but I just laughed at him back then.

"Yeah," I say slowly. "Look, I- I don't really wanna get into this with you. It's just weird and awkward, but yeah- that's where my mind was last night."

"Alright," he says a bit relieved, "but I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"I don't?" I ask him surprised.

He shrugs his shoulders again, "You dragged me through our first date; made me feel the most comfortable I ever felt during a first date."

"I did?" I say, even more surprised than before. "I thought I always made you feel uncomfortable," I joke.

Luke turns a bit red. "Both, I guess. If that makes sense."

"It does. To me it does," I smile.

Luke reaches out his hand and he puts a loose stray of hair behind my left ear. He repeats this a few times; while there's no loose stray anymore. Technically, he's caressing my hair right now; something he used to do all the time. That man loved my hair.

Immediately, another lump forms in my throat. I try to swallow it away, but I'm unsuccessful. I feel like my body is frozen, yet I lean a little bit closer to Luke as I keep staring at him, my face a mask of shock and hope.

"You initiated our first kiss," he continues in a whisper as he smiles at me. He also leans in closer to me, but there is still about a foot of space between us.

I swallow, but I still can't say anything, so I nod. I place my right hand on his thigh, squeezing it softly, just so I have a reason to once again decrease that foot-long distance between us.

"I remember it well," Luke says as if I put a spell over him; or maybe it was the memory of our first date that enchanted him. "It was soft. So soft. You brushed your lips against mine in the barest, gentlest touch." He uses his thumb of his right hand, that was still touching my cheek, to brush it lightly over my lips; first my upper lip, then my lower lip, as he moves closer still.

I realize that my mouth is slightly open, but I don't do anything apart from moving my thumb in circles on his thigh.

"I was so surprised. You were so straight-forward, but I immediately kissed you back, turning the kiss into more than just a brush of lips.'

I keep staring into his eyes and he does the same to me. I'm drawn towards them. They are pulling me closer and closer as if they have a power of their own, as if they are hypnotizing me. As that magical dark blue sea keeps coming closer, I wonder if I'm still dreaming, but as I finally close my eyes and feel the lightest touch of his firm lips against mine, I know that it's not a dream. This is real. This is happening.

And if it weren't the feeling of his lips on mine again for the first time in two years, it would have been the sudden opening of the door bringing me back to reality.

Luke and I quickly pull away from each other in shock of the sudden interruption and we face the little girl in the door-opening, that caused that light brush of lips to remain just a simple peck before it could turn into anything more.

"Elly!" Luke says, quickly standing on his two feet again, "What are you doing up?"

Elly looks from Luke to me and back to Luke again. "I was waiting for Mommy," she says innocently, "I didn't have my kiss yet."

"Right," I say, a bit saddened by the unwelcome interruption, "You go upstairs, I'll be right there."

Elly nods, but doesn't move. Instead she stares at Luke. "You going to sleep, Daddy?" she asks.

"Not yet, sweety," Luke smiles at her.

"Then why did Mommy give you a kiss? She always gives me and Abby kisses when we go to sleep," she explains.

"Right…" Luke says as he walks over to her. "No, I was just going home." He gives Elly a kiss on the top of her head and then quickly waves at me without looking at me. He walks in the direction of the front door, but is stopped in his tracks by Elly's question.

"Why can't you sleep here? Like you always did."

I stand up and walk towards our daughter. As I squat down in front of her I try to explain it to her. "Sweets, Daddy doesn't live here anymore. You know that."

"But why not?" she wants to know.

I don't know what to say. I look at Luke, but he also doesn't seem to know what to say. How do you explain a divorce to a ten-year old; to someone who doesn't know, and wouldn't even understand, all the drama we've been through?

As we remain quiet, Elly looks at her father. "Don't you love Mommy anymore," she asks on the verge of crying. I rub my hand soothingly over her arm, but I look at Luke, curious for his answer.

Luke seems at a loss for words. He just stands there, staring at Elly, who stares back at him. After what seems like hours, I decide to chime in, "C'mon, Honey. It's too late for this. Let's bring you to bed." I try to direct her back towards the stairs, but she refuses. She folds her arms stubbornly over her chest and taps her feet on the ground as she impatiently waits for her father's answer.

Luke sighs and quickly looks at me. "Of course I still love your Mommy," he says in a slightly hoarse voice, now deliberately avoiding my gaze. I don't think Luke means _love_ love, as in –the happily ever after– kind of love, but more the general kind of love; the one for a friend, someone you've known for years and who knows you best; that kind of love.

"Then why?" Oh yes, that's _my_ girl; not giving up till she gets her father to tell her exactly what she wants to know. Not completely a Daddy's girl after all.

Unfortunately this question is also directed towards me. Why do I always have to be so stubborn? Why do I always have to get involved in other people's business, unconsciously teaching my daughters to do the same? Payback is a bitch…

I take a deep breath. "Sweets, remember when I told you Daddy and I are fighting; just like you and Becky once were?"

Elly thinks deeply and then nods. "But me and Becky are friends again," she says as a way of explaining her confusion.

"Yes, but…" I try to explain, "I- I did something _really_ stupid and your father hasn't forgiven me yet, but you did forgive Becky."

"Okay. I understand," Elly says diplomatically and then directs her attention back to Luke, who is also squatted in front of her now, sitting on my right side, "When will you forgive Mommy?"

Luke sighs and pats her hair, "I don't know, El."

"So you're not going to live here anymore?" she wants to know as she runs her hand over her cheek to keep her tears from flooding.

Luke shakes his head and I see a tear rolling from Elly's face, despite her attempts to avoid them. "Sorry," Luke whispers.

I'm trying to think of a way to cheer her up. After all, this is not news for her. Luke hasn't lived her for two years. New for me though, is that, apparently, my daughter had been having hopes all this time that we would get back together someday; the very same hopes I've been holding on to. "But you like having two rooms, remember? A lot of space for your piles and piles of toys."

"Yeah, I do. Becky is _so_ jealous. She also wants two different rooms," she says, her face turning into a satisfied smile.

I laugh. "Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Time for bed now."

Luke gives Elly another goodnight kiss and wishes us both a goodnight. I give him a nod and gently brush my hand over his arm before I push Elly towards the stairs. As I walk behind her, I turn around to quickly catch a glance of Luke's retreating back before the front door closes behind him, taking my beautiful visual away.

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**A/N: I have a treat for you in the next chapter, and I've already started writing it, so stay tuned! **


	5. Chapter 5: The Other Man

**A/N: This is another idea I've had in my head for quite a while now. I just didn't know if it was the time for it now or later in the story. However, my wonderful beta, Niamh, pushed me to write it NOW, because she couldn't wait any longer, lol. Hope I didn't let you down, girl.**

**As for the rest: ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY and please review!**

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Chapter 5: The Other Man

It's been two weeks since Luke and I shared that kiss. I was so nervous going into the diner the next morning, but it was tradition. I had the girls that day and we always go in for Luke's breakfast before I drop them off at school and get to work myself. That day was no different, except that I was nervous, that is.

Luke however, was no different than usual. He was glad to see the kids, and they were happy to see him, he was his gruffly self towards me, he took our orders and he was off. Of course, he brought my coffee and the girls' orange juice quickly after that and later brought us our breakfast. There was no avoidance of eye contact, there were no stolen glances either; there was nothing in his attitude; there was nothing in his words.

Luke had acted like nothing had happened the night before and he continued that way. I wanted to bring it up, I wanted to talk to him about it, but, after all, nothing _really_ happened. It could have been more, _would_ have been more if Elly hadn't walked in, but she had and so; nothing had happened.

I dropped the subject. I decided not to bring it up and went back to trying to forget about Luke. I had a few more successful dates with Max, but I never invited him in. Not that I didn't want him to come in, trust me I did. I do. There's just something that's holding me back and of course, that all comes back to Luke.

Today I walk into the diner right after the lunch rush, in search of a good burger and in _need_ of a cup of Luke's famous black liquid. There's the usual after-lunch lull right now. There's only one other customer and I catch a glimpse of Caesar cooking in the kitchen. I don't see Luke. He must be in the back, somewhere.

As I sit down at the empty table in the middle of the diner with a sigh, I finally have a little time to myself, to think. This morning I had to get the girls ready for school and it's a really busy day at the Dragonfly today. Now, I finally have time to mope.

I place my head in my hands, my elbows on the table, with another sigh and stare straight ahead. I don't even notice Luke coming back from behind the curtain and walking over to me, grabbing the coffeepot on his way.

"Coffee?" he asks, but I don't hear him.

"Lorelai!" I finally hear Luke call and I feel his hand on my shoulder.

I look up a bit shocked. "Oh, hey!" I say with a smile.

Luke stares at me for a little while and eventually takes out the empty chair next to me, turns it around, and sits down backwards, facing me.

"Everything okay?" he asks me, a bit concerned.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I lie. "Coffee please."

"Lorelai…" Luke says with a sigh.

"Really, I'm good!" I say, my voice rising a bit in the hope that he will let it go and just serve my coffee. I look nervously around me to see if we're not drawing the attention from the one customer in the back or from Caesar, but they are both busy. Luke notices and also looks around. He takes a deep sigh, stands up again and puts the chair back in its rightful place. I'm relieved. I think he has gotten the hint and is going to pour me some of his magical coffee that, no doubt, will make me feel better.

However, I am wrong. Instead of taking out a cup, he puts down the half-full coffeepot and grabs my arm.

"C'mon," he mumbles as he pulls me up from the chair.

"W-What are you doing?" I ask confused as he pushes me softly towards the curtain, one hand still around my arm and the other on my back. I let him.

"You're going to talk to me," Luke says as we arrive at the curtain. "Caesar! I'm going upstairs for a while. Call me if you need help down here," Luke yells.

"Sure thing, Boss," Caesar calls back.

We pass the curtain and it falls closed behind us, taking away the view of the diner. Luke finally lets go of me and holds out his hand in the direction of the stairs, motioning me to walk upstairs.

When I don't immediately do as I'm told, Luke explains with a sigh, "You have been distracted and pouting all week. You are going to talk to me about it, because I'm your friend and I don't want to see you like this anymore."

I stare at him for a little while. He is the last person I would like to talk to about this, but his little rant touches me. I smile at him and walk up the familiar stairs of what used to be Luke's apartment, with Luke closely behind me.

Reaching the top, Luke unlocks the door and lets me in. I scan the room and everything looks exactly the same as when we started dating, apart from the double bed that Luke got about a month after when I mocked him mercilessly about the single bed and the rest of his bachelor pad.

I notice the dirty dishes in the sink and the rumpled cover of the bed. I see a few flannels in the open drawer of his closet and a half-full glass of water on the nightstand on 'his side' of the bed.

"I didn't know you still use this place," I tell him, taking one more look around before I face him.

Luke closes the refrigerator and comes out with two beers. As he walks towards me, he shrugs his shoulders, "When the girls are with you I often sleep here. It's just easier." He hands me a beer and I take it. I know it's the middle of the day, but I take it anyhow, knowing that I probably need it.

I nod understandably at him, "Thanks."

We are standing awkwardly across from each other, both holding a beer as if we're about to clink our bottles to celebrate something, but unless Luke suddenly decides he wants to get back together, I don't see any reason for a celebration.

I walk over to the couch and sit down. "I get it, you know," I tell him, referring to our earlier conversation, "If I could stay at the inn, I probably would. It's just so quiet at home without them."

"Yeah," Luke agrees as he sits down next to me, takes a big gulp of his beer and sighs contently. I take his example, bring the bottle to my mouth and let the cold liquid flow down my throat. As I lower my beer again, I look over at Luke, who just takes another gulp. I watch closely as his Adam's apple moves up and down when he swallows and then stare at his lips as he licks them clean with his tongue. When Luke turns his head and looks at me, I quickly refocus my eyes on his dark-blue ones. "So, are you going to speak, or are we just going to sit here?" he asks me, and although his words sound like he's pushing me, he's patiently waiting for my response.

I let out a deep breath. "Look, I really don't want to talk about it," I tell him.

"Yes, you do. I know you. Talking about certain things makes you feel better," Luke says with confidence, followed by another sip.

"Let me rephrase," I tell him as I know that he is right; I do want to talk to someone, "I really don't want to talk about it with_ you_."

"O-kay…" Luke says slowly, looking a little hurt, "Whatever that means." I take a few big gulps of my beer, but I keep my eyes on Luke. I then see a change in his expression. "If this is about the other night…" he starts, but I quickly interrupt him.

"It's not about that kiss."

Luke nods, but doesn't say anything else. I take another deep breath as I decide to tell him. "I started dating again," I throw out as if I should be ashamed.

Luke, who had just taken another gulp of his beer, doesn't swallow. He just stares at me for a little while, his eyes big. Clearly he didn't expect this. Finally, he swallows his beer and says, "Ah," to acknowledge he heard me.

"You know the guy, actually," I tell him, still talking even faster than I usually do and barely breathing.

"I do?" Luke asks, but he doesn't really try to think of who it could be.

"Yes. It's Max. Medina. Max Medina… Mr. Medina, Rory's old Chilton teacher? Remember him?" I stumble over my words, trying to make myself clear. I know he remembers Max though. We had a big fight about him once.

_"He's into you, Lorelai!" Luke finally yells at me, making his point clear, his hands in his hair as if he can't believe how ignorant and blind I am. _

_I stare at him for a little while as he angrily puts on his white undershirt. When he takes out clean jeans to put on over his boxers, I start to laugh hysterically, not able to stop. _

_Luke lets his jeans dangle from one hand and spins around to face me, "You think this is funny?!" he asks incredulously, his face red and his eyebrows frowned in anger. _

_I immediately stop laughing, but can't help but hiccup. "He's not," hiccup, "into me," hiccup, "Luke," hiccup, hiccup. _

_"He _is_," Luke says more calmly now that I stopped laughing like the Mad-Hatter—a female version, that is. "I can _see_ it." _

_"Luke… He is just worried about Rory. She's the new kid. It's hard. He's just trying to help her. He's interested in his students like that. He's devoted. Do you know how mean sixteen year old girls can be? He can _help_ her."_

_Luke shakes his head and bends down to put his legs through his trousers. "You're blind, Lorelai. Of course he _wants_ you to think that, but at that parents-teacher conference, he was ogling you right in front of me!" He stretches himself and closes the button on his jeans. He walks over to the closet again and takes out a clean flannel-shirt. I shake my head behind his back, but somehow it seems like he has eyes in the back of his head, because he continues, "Just believe me on this one." _

_I sigh loudly. "Okay," I say, a bit sharply. _

_"Okay," Luke repeats explicitly as he turns around. "Then please tell me you won't go this afternoon." _

_"I _have_ to go, Luke. This is for Rory, whether the man likes me or not." _

_"Fine," Luke grumbles unhappy and he turns himself away from me again to close the buttons on his flannel. _

_"Why don't you just come with me?" I ask him sweetly, placing my hand on his shoulder. _

_"I told you, I can't," Luke says through gritted teeth, while finishing the last of the buttons, as he faces me again, causing my hand to drop back to my side, "I have a meeting with my bread-supplier." _

_"Look, Luke," I say, placing my hand soothingly on his arm and rubbing it gently, "So what if he fancies me? It doesn't matter. I'm married. We know that and he knows that. I would never do something like that, Luke. I would never cheat on you. _Never_. Please, trust me on that." _

_"I do," Luke whispers as he looks shamefully at his own feet. _

_"We have an almost two year old toddler sleeping over there," I continue, pointing at the wall to Elly's room, "I would never do anything that would hurt her, or Rory." _

_"I know," Luke sighs, still not looking at me. _

_"Besides," I keep going, smiling now, "we have this new one to think about." _

_Luke suddenly looks up, questioningly. He first stares at my smiling face and then at my hands that lay lovingly on my belly. He looks at my face again and my smile becomes even brighter. "You're pregnant?" he asks softly. _

_"I'm pregnant," I confirm beamingly. _

_Luke's face immediately changes. All the anger and confusion from before disappear and happiness takes their places. He puts one hand on my hand on my belly and then leans forward to kiss me. _

"I remember," Luke says, not looking at me. "So, what's the problem then?" he asks, but I can see he finds it difficult to talk about.

"Well…" I start uncomfortably, "He's nice and handsome and all. He treats me well and is really… patient…"

"But?" Luke pushes, finally looking at me again.

"It's just…" I swallow, "I'm not _really_ into him. Not like I was with you when we started dating, you know?" Luke nods and I continue, "I don't think it's going anywhere."

"Then end it," Luke says with a shrug of his shoulders, as if it's that simple, "If you're not into him, break up with the jerk."

"Luke," I say strictly.

"Sorry," he mumbles unconvincingly.

"I really like him though. He's one of those guys a girl should be lucky to be with," I say more to myself than to Luke, "Maybe I should give him another chance. Maybe I could _eventually_ grow to love him."

"That's absurd," Luke snickers.

"Why?"

"There's the gut. I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone within seconds of meeting them. I feel it here," Luke points quickly at his stomach, "I felt it with Rachel, I felt it with Anna, I felt it with you. I was immediately relaxed."

"You've got the gut thing," I repeat, nodding my head in interest.

"Well, just someone who will let you be. That's a gut thing."

I sigh deeply. "You're right," I tell him, "He will probably never become my second husband. The real reason is…" I bite my lower lip, doubting if I should really tell him.

"Ye-es," Luke says slowly.

"I just miss it, you know?" I whisper, staring at the beer-bottle in my hand.

"Miss what?"

"Just, having someone around. An adult someone, I mean. Not feeling so lonely all the time," Luke looks away from me when I look back at him, as if he feels guilty for my loneliness, while really, _I_ should feel guilty for _his_ loneliness. "Not to mention, the physical part," I continue and Luke's head shoots back up. He stares into my eyes, not just with shock, but also with interest. "I just really wanna be kissed again; one that I can feel through my entire body. And, Oh my God, how much I miss sex." I see Luke's eyebrow shoot up as I say that last part of my speech. "You know what I mean?" I ask him.

He quickly recovers, scrapes his throat and says, "I do. I miss it too."

"It's been over a year," I whisper, my eyes back on my lap. "Of course," I continue louder, "Max can help me with _that_ part, but that just doesn't seem fair. Like I'm using him."

Luke lets out a single laugh, "He probably wouldn't mind, Lorelai. No guy does."

"Right, 'cause _all_ guys are pigs," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Are you seriously considering this?" Luke asks me, suddenly serious again, "Don't you want commitment… love?"

I shrug my shoulders, "Right now, I'd take anything, but no, I guess not, 'cause I seriously believe that Max isn't looking for a one night stand. He also isn't the youngest anymore. I honestly think he's searching for love."

"Aren't we all," Luke replies, half-laughing at my ignorance, "But that doesn't mean he wouldn't like a one night stand in between his search. Seriously, Lorelai, I thought you knew guys."

"Yeah, I _knew_ guys, about ten years ago. Now, I don't anymore."

"They are still the same," Luke explains with a shrug of his shoulders.

"You seriously think _every_ guy is like that?" I ask with a snicker, while shaking my head.

"Yep," Luke simply answers, "You're hot. Ask any single guy to sleep with you, no strings attached, he'll do it."

I get a mischievous grin on my face. "Really? " I ask and Luke nods. "So, if I'd ask you, you would sleep with me?"

"Yes," Luke answers without thinking. My mouth drops open at his answer and Luke also seems to become aware of what he has just said. His eyes grow wide and his cheeks turn bright pink.

I quickly make up my mind. I place my half empty bottle of beer on the coffee table, stand up and walk over to the double bed that Luke once bought for the two of us.

Luke follows my every move with his eyes, but remains seated on the safety of the couch, his empty beer clutched useless in his hand and his mouth slightly ajar.

As I take off the jacket I was wearing as decoration and drape it carelessly over the chair, I call to him, "Are you coming or not?"

It may seem stupid, but I know exactly what I'm doing. I can't lose in this one. Either he says 'no' and I can tell him he just proved that his own statement about guys just wanting one thing, was wrong; or he says 'yes' and I get to sleep with Luke _one. last. time._ Our last time, during the difficult April-time, wasn't exactly memorable. I could use a good closure of my Luke era.

I cross my arms over my stomach, grab the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. Standing in my khaki-pants, high heels and lacy, black push-up bra, I place my hands defiantly on my hips, waiting to see what Luke will do.

We stare at each other for a little while, neither of us saying anything. Suddenly, Luke closes his mouth and I can see him swallow. He has made up his mind. He stands up, bends down to place his bottle next to mine and walks over to me. He looks very serious and for a small second, I think he will pick up my shirt from the floor and hold it out for me to put on. Instead, he wraps one arm expertly around my neck and the other, he pokes through the triangle shaped hole my shoulder, elbow and hand form with my side, and he wraps it tightly around my naked back, roughly pulling me close to him. I can already feel the bulge in his pants and I wrap my arms around his back also. He presses his mouth urgently on mine and immediately seeks for my tongue, which I happily supply.

After a few minutes of this, I feel the clasp of my bra come loose. I break the kiss I had been talking about earlier—one that I can feel through my entire body—and I drop my hands down bij my sides, so the black, lacy bra falls to the ground.

As I start working on the buttons of his flannel, he opens my pants and soon all our clothes are shed and we hold each other tightly for a little while, simply enjoying the joy of being so close together again, before we fall to the bed and do what we've become experts at over the years together, and what has given us two beautiful daughters.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's been taking a bit longer than before for me to write. I started college again, so my time is limited. I did already start writing chapter 6 though. However, I have an idea for next chapter that will be rather challenging for me, so 1) I will have to be able to write it and 2) I will have to ****_like_**** it. The chapter is going to be very important for me, because I have to write a short story for school and this chapter is going to be my test-run. Please, be patient with me. In the meantime, if you haven't done so already, you can always read "Teens on Coffee" by Nemo-LL: a Luke and Lorelai Fanfiction written by Niamh and I. Thank you, as always. **


	6. Chapter 6: A Real Goodbye?

**I am so sorry for taking so long. This chapter had been finished for quite a while and my rock Niamh checked it weeks ago, I believe. I just hadn't edited it yet. For college I had to write a short story, which turned out a lot like this chapter. That, and other schoolwork, has been keeping me rather busy. But, here it is: chapter 6! All I can ask you is to, please, read the whole chapter. Don't stop halfway; you might be surprised. Once you've done so, you'll understand why ;). **

**Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Chapter 6: A Real Goodbye?

It hadn't been hasty. It hadn't been two people who just wanted sex. It shouldn't even be called 'sex', 'one night stand', or 'fucking', or anything in that trend. What happened six days ago, had been what it used to be, before our marriage went bad. It had felt like it used to feel. It had been an act of two people who share a history, who share a family, who share a deep friendship for one another and who still share a desire for each other. It should be called 'making love', because that is what it was: love. L-o-v-e. It had been so simple, so familiar. After two years, it was all still there.

If it wasn't for my doubts regarding Luke's feelings for me, I would have been walking around town with the brightest smile on my face, but the doubts are all there, close to the surface, and they should be.

Just like when we shared that minor kiss, Luke pretended like nothing had happened. For six days I had been trying to do the same, but I wasn't as successful as Luke. All I wanted to do, and still want to do, is _talk_.

Yesterday, Sookie had noticed something was wrong.

_"What's wrong, Honey?" Sookie asks me concerned after she sent her staff out of her kitchen for some girl talk and put the big knife she was holding down—to my relief. _

_"Nothing," I tell her with a fake smile. _

_"You can tell me, Lorelai," Sookie insisted, "I'm your best friend." _

_Playing the 'BFF'-card is always a smart move, and Sookie knows that. _

_I take a deep breath and slowly let the air escape again. "I slept with him," I tell Sookie truthfully. _

_Sookie squeals triumphantly. "That is _amazing_! I can't believe it. Tell me everything. I want to know. Aah! I can't believe you had… you know… with Max!" Sookie yells, her enthusiastic, jumpy self. _

_"It's not Max," I tell Sookie, looking down shamefully and biting my lower lip, afraid of her reaction. _

_"What?" Sookie asks confused, "Weren't you dating him?" _

_"I was…" _

_"Then… Who _did_ you sleep with?" Sookie asks, a bit mad, but mostly interested. _

_"Luke," I sigh and I casually turn around, walk over to the fruit bowl and take out an apple as if I do that every day—both the apple and Luke. _

_"Luke? You slept with Luke?!" Sookie screams. _

_"Ssh!" I exclaim, as I try to prevent the entire inn from knowing about my sex-life. _

_"You slept with Luke?" Sookie whispers, but still sounding urgent. _

_"Yes," I say and I can't help but smile as I take a bite from the apple I'm holding, not knowing what else to do with it and I quickly pull a disgusted face. I really do not like apples. _

_"How? When?" _

_"Remember five days ago, you were trying to pry out of me why I was back late from lunch?" _

_"Yes," Sookie says, frowning her eyebrows as if she wonders what that has to do with anything. _

_I look intently at Sookie, my eyebrows raised as I try to get her to understand with my eyes. _

_Sookie finally gets it. "_That'_s why you were late?" _

_"Yes," I say, blushing a bit. _

_"What does this mean?" Sookie wants to know, "Are you guys getting back together?"_

_I sigh. "I don't know. I-I don't think so." _

_"But you want to, right?" _

_"Yes," I nod my head and then turn to shaking it instead. "Ever since it happened, I've wanted to talk to him about it, but Luke's been pretending like nothing happened." _

_"Men…" Sookie says conspiratorially and shakes her head, which makes me laugh. _

_"Okay," Sookie says completely serious again, after she lets out her final laugh, "Tell me _exactly_ what happened. Don't leave any details…"_

I'm lying in my bed. It's two A.M., but I can't sleep. I am trying to decide whether or not to talk to him about the other night, but I keep changing my mind. I want to tell him how much I still love him and how much that night meant to me. I want to hear him tell me that he still loves me too, that he wants to leave the past in the past and that we'll go back to the way we used to be—but I know that's only the fairytale I've made up in my head.

But, it has been a week. Every day I wait it's going to be harder to bring up. Then again, do I really want to hear Luke say that we're over—again? Do I want to have my heart broken—again?

As I doze off, I decide to leave it at this, to not reopen old wounds. What is the point anyhow?

I am wakened by the sound of the doorbell. I moan a little and then slowly open my eyes to get used to the bright light that's flowing into my room. I turn to my side and wait until I get a clear picture of the numbers on my Hello Kitty alarm clock. It reads 11:13 A.M.

Shit, I overslept. Luke was supposed to drop the kids off at ten A.M. It must be him at the door and he must be running late too. Or maybe we agreed on eleven? I can't remember.

I get out of bed and place my sock cladded feet on the cold floor. I shiver a little as the warm blankets leave my body. I quickly reach for my red bathrobe and pull it on over my sweater and 'jogging' pants.

As I slowly walk down the stairs, the doorbell rings for a second time.

"Yeah, yeah, comin'!" I yell in the direction of the door, "Relax a little! It's early on a Saturday morning!"

Finally, I make it to the door and pull it open before an impatient Luke uses the buzzer for a third time.

On the other side of the door are my two younger daughters standing hand in hand, but instead of their usual smiling faces, there are tears streaming down their cheeks and their eyes are puffy and red. And instead of Luke standing behind them, holding their shoulders protectively, it's an unfamiliar man in a police uniform—definitely not a Stars Hollow resident.

My hands fall to my side and I stare shocked at the picture before me. Before I realize it, Elly and Abby are hugging me tightly, both sobbing in my robe. Automatically I place my arms around each of them, but I keep staring at the unfamiliar police officer.

"Are you Lorelai Gilmore, miss?" he asks me politely.

"Y-yes," I say hoarsely, my voice sounding nervous.

"I am officer Derkley. Are you familiar with one Mr. Lucas Danes?"

"Luke? Yes. He-uh, he is my-uh ex-husband and f-father of my k-kids."

The officer nods. "And is it true that you're his emergency contact person?"

"I-I think so…" I try to remember, but my mind is blank. "Please, tell me what happened," I whisper.

"Can I come in, ma'am?"

It takes a while for me to process what he's just said, but eventually I step aside, pulling my daughters, who are still clinging to me, with me.

"Maybe you should sit down, ma'am," the officer tells me when we reach the living room. I do as I'm told and Elly and Abby find themselves a place on the sofa on either side of me, both sitting as closely to me as humanly possible.

Officer Derkley takes off his hat in what I'm sure is a way to show respect.

I don't want to hear it, the girls' tears tell me enough, but I know I have to. "Just tell me," I whisper with tears in my eyes.

"I'm very sorry to say that Mr. Danes was involved in a car accident this morning. The paramedics have done their very best to revive him, but his injuries were too severe. He died at the scene. I'm so sorry."

The tears stream silently down my face and I clamp myself to my kids as he speaks. I hear his words, but they don't quite make sense to me. It takes a while for the words to sink in, but then, I break. I let out a quivering sound, too soft to be a scream. I feel Elly's arms tighten around me as I start to cry hysterically. All the feeling has gone from my limbs. My body feels paralyzed, completely out of control, as if it refuses to accept this inconceivable and heart-wrenching truth.

After what seems like hours, but I'm sure is only a few minutes, I swallow, and say, barely understandable, "H-how?"

The officer takes a breath. "A bystander told us that the youngest girl," he nods towards Abby who starts crying even louder. I'm not sure she even understands what's happening, but she cries along with her sister and mother. "She suddenly ran into the street. There was a car speeding towards her. Mr. Danes was just in time to pull her out of the way, and got himself caught in the impact instead," the officer explains.

Abby suddenly removes her head from my chest and looks up at me with big reddened eyes. "I was a bad girl, Mommy!" she cries hysterically. I place my hand lovingly on her cheek and stroke her hair. I give her a reassuring smile, hoping to tell her, even through my own tears, that it's okay, that I'm not mad. "I have ouch," she continues, showing me the packed wound on her elbow. I take her arm and look at it for a little while, before I bend forward and press a kiss on the white bandage. "Daddy has ouch too," Abby continues, now whispering.

I don't understand _how_, but I'm keeping myself together. Maybe the thought of never seeing Luke again hasn't really sunk in yet, or maybe it's because I have to stay strong for Elly and Abby. Maybe it's a combination of the two.

"He is not in pain anymore, sweetie, " I tell her softly as I hold Elly even closer to me. She looks up at me and I give her the same reassuring smile I gave Abby.

"But Daddy was bleeding," Abby says confused, cleaning her nose with a swipe of the back of her hand. I want to take off my red robe. The color suddenly feels offensive to me—to Luke.

I nod at her. "Daddy d-d-died, sweetie," I feel my tears welling up again and I try to swallow them away. Elly places her head back on my shoulder and starts crying even harder, as if my words make it even more real to her.

"Remember when Paul Anka died? Remember where he went?" I ask hoarsely, my throat closing even more at the thought of my beloved dog.

"Doggy heaven," Elly finally speaks, keeping her position close to me.

Abby nods, "Is Daddy there now too?"

"No, sweetie. Daddy is in human heaven," I explain in just a whisper.

"But, we never saw Paul Anka again," Abby says and I shake my head, while swallowing a few more times so I won't break down in front of them.

"Will I ever see my Daddy again?" Abby whispers now too, as if she already knows the answer, but doesn't want to believe it, until I confirm it.

"No," I say with a cry I can no longer hold in. I take my hand from Abby's hair and place it before my mouth in the hope of hiding my sobbing.

"But I want my Daddy," Abby whispers, tears rolling silently down her cheeks again. "I want my Daddy! I _want_ my Daddy" Abby starts yelling hysterically, hitting my legs with her fists, which only makes me cry even harder.

I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her close to me again, holding her tightly. "I know, I know," I say through my sobs, "I know sweets. Me too."

"I want my…" she whispers again, but her words are cut off by her own sobbing.

We sit there on the sofa a little while longer, crying and holding each other tightly. I can't explain how much of a support it is to have my girls close to me, but eventually I start to pull myself together again.

"Miss Gilmore?" the officer pulls me out of our small circle. I had totally forgotten he was here, but I look up. "Is there anyone I can call for you?" he asks me.

"Um," I swallow, but I don't have to think long, "My daughter, Rory."

I want to get up, but Elly won't let me, so I sink back into the pillows of the couch.

"Her number is on the side-table," I tell him.

After a while the officer comes back and informs me that Rory is on her way. He is about to leave when something pops into my head.

"Sir!" I call and he turns around, "C-Can I see him? Today…"

"Certainly, ma'am," he says, "I myself shall take you to the mortuary."

"Thank you," I whisper and we wait in silence for Rory's arrival.

"Mom? Mom?!" Rory calls as she enters the house moments later. She immediately spots us as she walks into the living room. She looks at us for a little while before she squats down before me. "Mom, what's wrong? What happened?"

"It's Luke," I whisper in a choked voice after a short silence, "He… He…" I'm unable to form the words, so I just shake my head and I can feel the fresh tears on my cheeks.

Rory understands and places both her hands before her mouth, which had dropped open. "No," she says in utter disbelief, while the tears well up in her eyes, "No. Luke can't be… He can't be dead."

I nod. "Car accident," and I hug my oldest close to me, her head on my shoulder, as we cry together. I feel Rory shaking against my body and I can hear her quivering breath. She shakes her head as if she doesn't want to believe the news she has just received. She lets out a gasp and leans away from me a bit. She turns her head from left to right, staring at her younger siblings one by one, as she realizes _they_ have just lost their father. Rory once admitted to me that she's a bit jealous of Elly and Abby for having such a present and loving dad, while she had to do with Christopher. Things have changed now. Rory lets out another a heart-wrenching sob and holds me tightly again, her face hidden in my neck.

After a while I let go of her and get up from the couch. "I need you to stay with the girls," I tell Rory as I softly push her into the vacant place on the sofa between Elly and Abby.

"Why?" Rory asks me hoarsely through her tears before she sits down, "Where are you going?"

I wipe my face on my robe and throw it off, leaving me in my sweater and jogging pants—not exactly my best look, but it'll have to do. "I need to see him," I tell Rory.

"What? Now?!" I've barely given Rory time to process the news and I've already put her in charge of her shocked, traumatized sisters.

"Yes," I say with determination, "The officer is going to take me there. I won't be long." I turn around towards the door and motion the officer to do the same.

"Mom!" Rory calls and I turn around to see three faces, all wet due to their tears, staring at me.

I sigh and walk back to them. I squat down in front of Elly, "I'll be right back, sweets." Elly nods, I place a kiss on her cheek and move over to Abby. I give her a kiss too, but Abby throws both her arms around my neck and holds me close. "I know, sweets, I know. Mommy won't be long, okay?" I rub her back soothingly and nearly choke over my own words. "You're going to stay with Rory for a little while." Abby nods and places a quick kiss on my lips. I move over to Rory. "I need this, honey. Please."

"Okay," she whispers and I also place a kiss on her cheek before I leave the house with Officer Derkley.

I am directed into a cold room. I don't want to look too much around me. I don't want to remember Luke in this room. I want to think of him working in his diner, or laying lazily on the couch in my living room, or ranting on our way to a town's meeting—anywhere but this cold room.

Luke is lying on a table, a sheet covering him. I wait in the doorway for Officer Derkley to lower the sheet so Luke's face is visible. As I see him, I gasp and quickly cover my mouth in my hands as the tears silently flow down my face. Officer Derkley walks back towards me and tells me he'll be in the hallway if I need him before he closes the door behind me.

I take a few seconds to take some deep breaths before I walk over to him. I stare at his face. There are a few abrasions on it, but otherwise he looks the same as he did yesterday, only without his usual black hat. You often hear people say that the dead always smile, because their face muscles go lax and they are lying on their back, allowing gravity to take over. I get it now. It really looks like he's smiling. He looks very peaceful.

It's strange. The way he is laying makes me think back to last week when we were lying in the bed of his old apartment. Luke is—sorry… was—one of those typical guy's guys. After sex he usually fell asleep rather quickly, completely satisfied. I've lost count of how often I've stared at him, but I can tell you, it was no different last week. He was lying on his back, his arms propped under his head and a smile on his face, in his proud, cocky way of saying: look what I just accomplished. Right now, he is laying exactly the same; only his arms are placed neatly behind his body.

"Oh Luke," I whisper as I touch my fingers doubtfully to his forehead. He feels cold, but it's not as scary as I thought it would be, so I place my hand a bit firmer on him and run it back and forth through his hair, just like I'd done last time.

_"Luke?" I whisper, checking if he's really asleep. I get no reaction. "What does this mean?" I continue as I lay on my side, "Is this you and me getting back together, or is this our way of finally, officially saying goodbye to each other? It's up to you." I stare at him a little longer, my face close to his, taking in every detail, as I keep patting his hair. _

I bend forward, my face closer to his, "I didn't mean such an official goodbye. I meant a goodbye from our relationship, not goodbye forever." I bend myself even further, my head lower than the table and my face facing my knees as I take a few deep breaths to get myself together. I have to tell him what I need him to know. I look up again, and can't help but gasp a bit as I see his motionless face again. "Oh, what did you do? How could you leave us? We all need you, Luke. All your girls need you. You're _our_ guy. Elly and Abby, don't you want to see them grow up, walk them down the aisle at their wedding? And April already had too little time with you. It's not fair on her. Rory… She has always seen you as her dad. You were there for her when her own father wasn't and she _still_ needs you. And then there is me," I let out a loud sob, but quickly gather myself again, "I can't even remember what my life was before I met you. It wasn't as good, I can tell you that. How can I live without the coffee? And a personal handyman? Your delicious burgers? And my favorite pastime: mocking you, annoying you, staring at you?" I chuckle slightly, but immediately swallow. "How am I going to raise our girls without you? They need their daddy... I can't…" I shake my head. "Thank you, for saving our beautiful little girl. I guess, now it's time for you to be reunited with your parents." I shake my head. "I'm glad you get to see them again. Just don't make me look too bad in your stories, okay?"

I take a little time to take a few deep breaths. I can barely get the words out anymore as I'm overwhelmed by emotions. My tears run freely, and my voice sounds hoarse. "You're my best friend, Luke," I continue, "and you're the love of my life. I was so lucky to know you and to spend so much time with you. I will miss you so, so much and I will always love you."

I look at Luke a little while longer, still stroking his hair. I take another deep breath and lean forward. Very softly I touch my warm, tear-stained lips to his cold, dry ones. "Goodbye, my friend, my love, my hero."

I'm suddenly jolted from my nightmare and sit straight in my bed. I look around me a bit distraught and I bring my hands to my face, feeling the fresh tears there. I then look at the Hello Kitty alarm clock. It's only 7:34 A.M. I quickly make up my mind and jump out of bed. I don't care about my sweater and jogging pants. I run downstairs, grab my keys and quickly leave my house. Stars Hollow is a small town. Basically everything is at a walking distance, but I _sprint_ towards Luke's home. I ring the bell several times, not caring who I wake in the process. All I can think of is that I hope I'm in time to prevent what had just happened in my unconscious state. After what seems like hours, the door is finally opened.

* * *

**After I wrote this (and my short story), I realized that I am all right at writing love, drama and maybe even humor, but I am pretty crappy at writing disaster. I won't be doing that for quite a while and this story is going back to its normal routine—no dreams, just every day life. **

**NB. I started on chapter 7, but, again, it can take some time for me to finish it. **


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